The above re-creation represents the horrible fate of a loyal Yorkie in Jonathan Safran Foer’s plan for canines. Reading my Weekend Wall Street Journal online, I came across a poorly written piece by Foer that seemed to advocate the human eating of dogs. As if we did not have enough to worry about regarding the state of contemporary literature, now over-hyped young writers (frustrated with their own limits in prose and poesy and inebriated with a strange vegetarian obsession) might actually begin the unthinkable and succeed in stimulating a subversive nationwide campaign that targets canines for roasting, flambaying, frying and sauteing in an effort to protect factory-farmed animals. I for one will resist mightily before ending up the main course at Sunday brunch in Brooklyn Heights surrounded by MFAs griping about book advances and pulling gristle from their stylishly crooked teeth while applauding themselves for eating an Upper West Side pooch. Mr. Foer, if you were serious about making your point and not merely displaying your overly illuminated prose, you shouldn’t have used so much ironical sauce.
Below is my response from the Wall Street Journal’s website (I hope they have the courage to print it even if the author is a dog):
I would rather eat Jonathan Safran Foer than eat a dog. He might even be tasty. Though the flavor would probably be as unmemorable as this essay which while attempting (I hope) a kind of Swiftian punch never quite made its point nor did anything very well for that matter other than shock with the lurid headline and remind us that this crop of young writers seems to have been strangled in their cribs by their own irony. If Mr. Foer is serious and not actually doing a satirical turn here, then I say: Dogs of the world unite and get the barbecue ready. Anthony Bourdain will be manning the grill.
Everyone who reads my books and this blog should know that I am a level-headed Labrador retriever, but even Yours Truly has a point beyond which he should not be pushed.
Here’s Foer’s piece.
Here’s a rancher who suggests a more measured response.